Hello,
Newest member of our new recruits: Hayden Conrad. This guy has some opinions. Here's one of them on handicapped parking.
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
OK you slobs,
I see people with handicap parking permits in handicap parking spots all the time with horrible parking jobs. I mean, they'll be four feet back from where they're supposed to be and be parked at a 45 degree angle. Just cause you are crippled, or have a disease, or you're just a fat piece of shit who cant walk ten feet doesn't mean you have the right to do a bad parking job. Even if this is the land of the free, you have to do a good parking job. It's not that hard to park in a parking lot, and if you are unable to correctly do so, you shouldnt even have a license.
Also, anyone who has a handicap parking permit just because they are fat as shit should have to park at the back of the lot because they need the exercise. Just because you're handicapped doesnt meant you're retarded.
Signed,
Hayden Conrad -- Opinionated
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Joe Prettyman - Mango
Welcome,
I am pleased to announce another member of the UG staff has been added: Joe Prettyman. Enjoy!
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
Dear Readers,
Today I will talk about Mango. Yes, Mango should be capitalized. It's up there with God, on the power-o-meter so yes it gets special capitalization rules.
Mango, is pretty much the greatest food of all time. Fresh, dried, juiced, nectarized, what more could you ask for from a fruit? It grows on trees, so the that helps with oxygen and all that enviorment crap too! Whoa! That's mind boggling. So not only is Mango delicious, it's also enviormentaly friendly, more reason to eat it. Here is a poem I wrote about Mango...
Mango, Mango the magical fruit
The more you eat the less you pollute
The less you pollute the better the earth feels
So eat Mango.
Sincerely,
Joe Prettyman -- Fruit Specialist
I am pleased to announce another member of the UG staff has been added: Joe Prettyman. Enjoy!
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
Dear Readers,
Today I will talk about Mango. Yes, Mango should be capitalized. It's up there with God, on the power-o-meter so yes it gets special capitalization rules.
Mango, is pretty much the greatest food of all time. Fresh, dried, juiced, nectarized, what more could you ask for from a fruit? It grows on trees, so the that helps with oxygen and all that enviorment crap too! Whoa! That's mind boggling. So not only is Mango delicious, it's also enviormentaly friendly, more reason to eat it. Here is a poem I wrote about Mango...
Mango, Mango the magical fruit
The more you eat the less you pollute
The less you pollute the better the earth feels
So eat Mango.
Sincerely,
Joe Prettyman -- Fruit Specialist
New Staff
Hi there,
So we here at UG have been trying to broaden our horizons, and we're currently in the process of "hiring" new "staff." One of these newbies is photographer Taro Unterburger. We welcome him!! Below is a sample of Taro's work, which will be dropped in throughout from now on.
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
Taro Unterburger
Tokai Bus
Jared, the Robot
The Three Musketeers
View Taro's Flickr Page
So we here at UG have been trying to broaden our horizons, and we're currently in the process of "hiring" new "staff." One of these newbies is photographer Taro Unterburger. We welcome him!! Below is a sample of Taro's work, which will be dropped in throughout from now on.
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
Taro Unterburger
Tokai Bus
Jared, the Robot
The Three Musketeers
View Taro's Flickr Page
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Doctors Without Borders
Let's get to it,
I don't have time currently to go into much detail about the terrible crisis in Haiti, but I've just recently donated to Doctors Without Borders in order to help them with their medical relief in Haiti, and I would urge you to do the same. Please do your part to help out!!
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
I don't have time currently to go into much detail about the terrible crisis in Haiti, but I've just recently donated to Doctors Without Borders in order to help them with their medical relief in Haiti, and I would urge you to do the same. Please do your part to help out!!
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Best Headlines II
Let's get to it,
These are currently the best headlines on the market in no particular order. Enjoy.
1. Obama, Wow!
2. The Senate Majority Leader’s Oh-No Vote
3. God Rest Ye Merry Congressmen
4. He'll Be Back
5. A Peculiar Concept of Freedom
Some of these even have good articles behind them. Until next time:
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
These are currently the best headlines on the market in no particular order. Enjoy.
1. Obama, Wow!
2. The Senate Majority Leader’s Oh-No Vote
3. God Rest Ye Merry Congressmen
4. He'll Be Back
5. A Peculiar Concept of Freedom
Some of these even have good articles behind them. Until next time:
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving,
Many happy returns and all that jazz (ever notice that phrase is never used for this holiday, because I have). As you might imagine I'm writing this on a full stomach, and that is a very good feeling. I'm just full of thanks, and have been giving it all day, and all of the world is filled with puppies, and angles, and everything is just so lovely and beautiful!
It's really too bad that all of that's over in about 25 minutes.
If Thanksgiving is to be thought of as heaven on earth (which it is) then Black Friday is surely Hell, and anyone who participates is the devil. I'm just surprised more people aren't deterred from this rotten gumdrop by the fact that several people died by being trampled last year. I expect this year to be no different, and it hurts to think of the innocent sleeping souls that face this horror come the morning. It's sickening.
20 minutes to Wapner.
Fortunately there's still time for me to enjoy the third annual Turkathalon* and all of it's beauty. If not anything else I love to listen my music, and I can't lie it's a good mix. Unfortunately holiday music is about to be unveiled in all of its "glory." I personally cannot stand it. We have a whole month to enjoy before Christmas, why do we have to always be thinking about the next holiday? I have a strict policy** about Christmas music, and I will not break it, even if it means walking out of a store that's playing it. People need to calm down. If you're antsy about Christmas watch this to tide you over, it's kind of half way.
7 minutes to Wapner.
To finish up, I'd like to give those of you like me who don't like to rush the seasons some of my thanks, since it is Thanksgiving. Thanks for being cool like me. And that's it.
Oh, and if you're bored by the lack of comedy in this post, watch this, it'll make you feel better.
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel - Editor in Chief
*The Turkathalon is a themed annual Thanksgiving mix my father and I make to celebrate the holiday. We then drive around delivering it to close friends as a way to literally give thanks. Past themes were Protest (when W. was doin' his thang), Celebration (when Obama crashed W's party), and this year it's Home.
**Policy:
You may not listen to more than 30 seconds of a Christmas song until my birthday, December 5th. Not a big deal right? Wrong. Try avoiding listening Christmas music a full week after everybody else has started to.
Many happy returns and all that jazz (ever notice that phrase is never used for this holiday, because I have). As you might imagine I'm writing this on a full stomach, and that is a very good feeling. I'm just full of thanks, and have been giving it all day, and all of the world is filled with puppies, and angles, and everything is just so lovely and beautiful!
It's really too bad that all of that's over in about 25 minutes.
If Thanksgiving is to be thought of as heaven on earth (which it is) then Black Friday is surely Hell, and anyone who participates is the devil. I'm just surprised more people aren't deterred from this rotten gumdrop by the fact that several people died by being trampled last year. I expect this year to be no different, and it hurts to think of the innocent sleeping souls that face this horror come the morning. It's sickening.
20 minutes to Wapner.
Fortunately there's still time for me to enjoy the third annual Turkathalon* and all of it's beauty. If not anything else I love to listen my music, and I can't lie it's a good mix. Unfortunately holiday music is about to be unveiled in all of its "glory." I personally cannot stand it. We have a whole month to enjoy before Christmas, why do we have to always be thinking about the next holiday? I have a strict policy** about Christmas music, and I will not break it, even if it means walking out of a store that's playing it. People need to calm down. If you're antsy about Christmas watch this to tide you over, it's kind of half way.
7 minutes to Wapner.
To finish up, I'd like to give those of you like me who don't like to rush the seasons some of my thanks, since it is Thanksgiving. Thanks for being cool like me. And that's it.
Oh, and if you're bored by the lack of comedy in this post, watch this, it'll make you feel better.
Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel - Editor in Chief
*The Turkathalon is a themed annual Thanksgiving mix my father and I make to celebrate the holiday. We then drive around delivering it to close friends as a way to literally give thanks. Past themes were Protest (when W. was doin' his thang), Celebration (when Obama crashed W's party), and this year it's Home.
**Policy:
You may not listen to more than 30 seconds of a Christmas song until my birthday, December 5th. Not a big deal right? Wrong. Try avoiding listening Christmas music a full week after everybody else has started to.
Blazers Roundup
Well,
Sort of fell off the track with this whole "blogging" thing, and now there is "Tweeter(?)". Just kidding I know what Twitter is... But anyways as you can tell I haven't really kept up with this Blog but I'm going to pick it up again. My goal is to Blog after every game, at least. So here we go.
Portland 116, Minnesota 93. If you didn't see this game find a way to watch it. This game could be the precursor to an amazing turnaround. On Friday the Blazers played a better game than they had all year against the Spurs. but it wasn't pretty, there were 12 fast-break points Total, for the Trail Blazers. It was a grind-it-out kind of game and pretty ugly. The offense stalled out and the defensive was passable. Which, unfortunately, had overall been an improvement from the first five games. The one bright spot was Greg Oden going toe-to-toe with Tim Duncan, and looking good. But everything else... Gross.
Sunday night, Amazing (he says as angels trumpet loudly in the background). The Blazers looked like they could outrun the Suns (a bunch more fast break points). You might think that this would slow Oden's performance. But no. Whenever the offense was slowed and almost stopped they could toss it into Greg and let him go to work. Not only did Greg get points he looked good with assists. For the first time he looked like he knew where the double team was coming from and could find the open man. As for the rest of the Blazers only one thing need be said, Continue. Except for Brandon Roy, who finished the game with 2 points 6 rebounds and 7 assists. If he finds a way to score in this new system, which I am sure he will, we will be unstoppable. Even against teams that are more vicious than the Timberwolves.
Sincerely,
Anders Herreid-O'neill - Senior Trailblazers Correspondent
See Anders' blog at his blog Jail Blazers No More
Sort of fell off the track with this whole "blogging" thing, and now there is "Tweeter(?)". Just kidding I know what Twitter is... But anyways as you can tell I haven't really kept up with this Blog but I'm going to pick it up again. My goal is to Blog after every game, at least. So here we go.
Portland 116, Minnesota 93. If you didn't see this game find a way to watch it. This game could be the precursor to an amazing turnaround. On Friday the Blazers played a better game than they had all year against the Spurs. but it wasn't pretty, there were 12 fast-break points Total, for the Trail Blazers. It was a grind-it-out kind of game and pretty ugly. The offense stalled out and the defensive was passable. Which, unfortunately, had overall been an improvement from the first five games. The one bright spot was Greg Oden going toe-to-toe with Tim Duncan, and looking good. But everything else... Gross.
Sunday night, Amazing (he says as angels trumpet loudly in the background). The Blazers looked like they could outrun the Suns (a bunch more fast break points). You might think that this would slow Oden's performance. But no. Whenever the offense was slowed and almost stopped they could toss it into Greg and let him go to work. Not only did Greg get points he looked good with assists. For the first time he looked like he knew where the double team was coming from and could find the open man. As for the rest of the Blazers only one thing need be said, Continue. Except for Brandon Roy, who finished the game with 2 points 6 rebounds and 7 assists. If he finds a way to score in this new system, which I am sure he will, we will be unstoppable. Even against teams that are more vicious than the Timberwolves.
Sincerely,
Anders Herreid-O'neill - Senior Trailblazers Correspondent
See Anders' blog at his blog Jail Blazers No More
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