Hayden Conrad - Handicapped Parking

Hello,

Newest member of our new recruits: Hayden Conrad. This guy has some opinions. Here's one of them on handicapped parking.

Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief



OK you slobs,

I see people with handicap parking permits in handicap parking spots all the time with horrible parking jobs. I mean, they'll be four feet back from where they're supposed to be and be parked at a 45 degree angle. Just cause you are crippled, or have a disease, or you're just a fat piece of shit who cant walk ten feet doesn't mean you have the right to do a bad parking job. Even if this is the land of the free, you have to do a good parking job. It's not that hard to park in a parking lot, and if you are unable to correctly do so, you shouldnt even have a license.

Also, anyone who has a handicap parking permit just because they are fat as shit should have to park at the back of the lot because they need the exercise. Just because you're handicapped doesnt meant you're retarded.

Signed,
Hayden Conrad -- Opinionated

Joe Prettyman - Mango

Welcome,

I am pleased to announce another member of the UG staff has been added: Joe Prettyman. Enjoy!

Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief




Dear Readers,

Today I will talk about Mango. Yes, Mango should be capitalized. It's up there with God, on the power-o-meter so yes it gets special capitalization rules.

Mango, is pretty much the greatest food of all time. Fresh, dried, juiced, nectarized, what more could you ask for from a fruit? It grows on trees, so the that helps with oxygen and all that enviorment crap too! Whoa! That's mind boggling. So not only is Mango delicious, it's also enviormentaly friendly, more reason to eat it. Here is a poem I wrote about Mango...

Mango, Mango the magical fruit
The more you eat the less you pollute
The less you pollute the better the earth feels

So eat Mango.

Sincerely,
Joe Prettyman -- Fruit Specialist

New Staff

Hi there,

So we here at UG have been trying to broaden our horizons, and we're currently in the process of "hiring" new "staff." One of these newbies is photographer Taro Unterburger. We welcome him!! Below is a sample of Taro's work, which will be dropped in throughout from now on.

Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief


Taro Unterburger

Tokai Bus


Jared, the Robot


The Three Musketeers


View Taro's Flickr Page

Doctors Without Borders

Let's get to it,

I don't have time currently to go into much detail about the terrible crisis in Haiti, but I've just recently donated to Doctors Without Borders in order to help them with their medical relief in Haiti, and I would urge you to do the same. Please do your part to help out!!

Sincerely,
Lucas Biespiel -- Editor in Chief